Back in the Chair

It's funny how the smallest things can derail life.

By themselves, they're not much to break a sweat over. But piled up, they can become almost insurmountable. And even then, once you're past it all, it can be difficult to find your way back.

That doesn't mean the journey's ultimately not a worthy one.

But it can be hard to discern that while your head's down, on the road.

Letting Go

I suffered a bit of a burnout a few years ago.

A major new role at work, new responsibilities, new stresses, giving back to my community, saying yes to every opportunity flung my way, finding time for my loved ones, and a dying mum all stacked up to an unmanageable rubbish heap.

It all eventually came to a head and something had to give. Many things had to give, actually.

And chief among them was my writing.

At the time, I was glad to let it go--I lacked inspiration, I struggled to get my head out of any other space, and I just plain wasn't feeling the love for it any more--though the decision was not made lightly.

I walked away from my writing chair with the conviction that I was farewelling my writing career. For good.

I was greatly saddened at that prospect. But I felt there was little else I could do. For a while there, just making it through the day was the only challenge I could handle.

And then the pandemic hit. And I fell into my own private black hole--same as everyone else in the world.

Keeping Sane

Thank the universe for good friends, loving family and other people's great art.

It kept me afloat--kept me sane.

I re-read favourite books, reconnected with old mates, re-watched favourite movies, spent time with the family, and even dug out my old vinyls.

And while the entire world ground to a halt, I took time to heal.

I settled into and became content with simply consuming other people's art--the way I used to when I was young.

But those stories never really left my head.

It only takes the right playlist or the right turn of phrase and I'm right back in there with my protagonist, wondering where to hit them next.

Finding the Love

And having now braved some of my old drafts and story plans, I think I'm ready to take a seat back in the writing chair.

I appear to have had talent at some point in my career. I think I can get back there again.

I don't know how long I can keep at it this time. I don't know if I'll ever get back to where I was in terms of talent and production. I can't even promise I'll keep at this blogging gig again.

I've seen a quite a few writers--some of whom were big influences on me--fall by the wayside in the recent years.

How dare I to endure where they couldn't?

I think I need to find the love again--the love of writing for its own sake. Wish me luck.

All images from pixabay.com